Many families plan on being together again over the Christmas holidays, some for the first time in years due to COVID. At the risk of bringing up a challenging topic, I’d like to suggest that families consider using this time to communicate with loved ones about important issues such as advanced directives and overall health and welfare.

For many families that live far apart or could not visit due to COVID, Zoom has been the primary means of “visiting.” But virtual reality is no replacement for face-to-face conversations and observations. Being together again provides a wonderful opportunity for families to carve out some time to have what is known as “The Conversation.”

All of us can agree that we want some say or control over our health care, especially at a critical stage like end-of-life care. But what if you have never even discussed how you feel with your adult children?

What if you have never even asked your parents what their end-of-life wishes are? And in a pandemic world, who is to say that this conversation is only for the elders in our life? Personally, I recommend all adults, 18 and up, have a living will and health care surrogate forms completed.

It is easy to procrastinate on topics like this, but harder to live with the consequences of not knowing. Are you comfortable guessing? Sadly, many families discovered in the past year the importance of having their end-of-life wishes known as COVID deaths swept through the country.

Imagine the peace of mind that a family can have if they have open communication about their deepest feelings and wishes instead of asking family members to guess in the midst of a crisis.
If you need help starting this conversation, visit the Conversation Project website (https://bit.ly/conversationstarterkit). They offer all kinds of free information including a booklet called “Your Conversation Starter Kit.”

It starts by asking some very basic questions that any family would feel comfortable with, such as thinking about what matters most to you in your life. As this guide progresses, one has the opportunity to think about and articulate their wishes and life values. It suggests open ended questions such as, “As a patient I’d like to know …” and “When there is a medical decision to be made, I would like … ” before moving into more serious questions.

Another free resource for advance care planning is Honoring Choices of Florida, an organization sponsored by Community Hospice. They are offering a winter series of free advance care planning seminars and webinars in December, January and February.

Go to www.honoringchoicesfl.com for more information and click on the “events” tab to register. They will also send a trained facilitator to your house for more one-on-one help!

And let’s not forget that many seniors have avoided regular checkups or tests due to COVID in the last year or more. Statistics are showing an increase in untreated health issues or surgeries delayed due to COVID. You may even notice that your parents have declined or appear to be more frail.

Maybe this is also the time to ask them if they may need more help in their home. Is it time to chat about moving closer to you or another sibling in the family? COVID has shown how dangerous loneliness and isolation can be for all of us.

Talk about options that will help your loved one maintain their independence. If they want to stay in their home, discuss how to make their home safer.

If you see any major changes in their memory or organizational skills, take note and talk with other family members or friends to see if they are noticing any changes as well. Look for the red flags so you know when your parents need more help, or watch my free YouTube video on this topic at https://bit.ly/bradburyparents.

My advice is to use this in-person time for more than just creating happy memories. We can’t plan for everything, but we can talk about what is most important — in our life, and in our health care — with those who matter most.
Who knows what our future brings or when we may all be together again? Give each other one of the best Christmas presents ever: caring enough to talk about your end-of-life wishes.